Rape Dude's Conquest
Rape Dude's conquest is a special in the Hot Dude series initially written in 2007. It introduces Rape Dude as a new Super-Villain and pits the trio of Super-Heroes, Hot Dude, Cool Dude and Timberwolf togheter with Fart Dude and Burban Gurgachuk, initially to free Kato, but eventually to stop Rape Dude's massive rape ray from firing from orbit turning the population into crazy sexual lunatics, accomplishing the goal of his conquest. Sypnosis The story starts in the desert, somewhere in Texas. It focuses on Rape Dude's temple underground. Rape Dude mentions in a narrative that he has plans for world domination and the de-humanization of the human population by destroying the boundaries that common courtesy and reciprocating respect are enforced on people, thus preventing everyone from having sex with each other in public. The narrative is revealed to be him talking and decides his speech is not good. Daunted, he asks Smagulfagul to get him more Red Bull. He get's an idea and rape's Smagulfagul but is dissapointed to find that he has "nowhere to stick it into him", further commenting that he was just "poking him". He then receives another idea, a plan to take over the Superhero community but using his Rape powers. He comments that he looks forward to raping Elektra. At that time, Smagulfagul shows him a newspaper showing that Elektra died at Fart Dude's hands, thus enraging Rape Dude. He also learns from Smagulfagul that the superhero community is all but decimated because of Fart Dude and his recent episodes were he kills them all save for Hot Dude, Cool Dude and Timberwolf. Rape Dude plans to exact vengance on Fart Dude by taking something away from him in turn. The story shifts to Ottawa in the fire temple. Vincent, Simon and Fred are playing a retro game of Starfox on the game cube. Apparently, they had been playing for six hours to exercise their thumb muscles in order to win a thumb war against Fart Dude. Vincent is horrible at the game, thus prompting Fred and Simon to find something else to do. They agree to "save the world", which means sitting on top of the housing appartment projects in Bayshore and waiting for something interesting to pop up on the police scanner. They wash their superhero suit shirts, which means dumping them in a bucket of bleach and waiting for them to dry on the close line. They are bored and wish for some action. In Fart Dude's temple in Nepal, Kato is doing some chores for his master. When he attempts to evacuate the garbage from the housing unit of the temple, he is surprised to find a superhero dressed as superman is in the garage with a giant net. Fart Dude informs Kato that he killed Superman, thus prompting Rape Dude to reveal his identity to Kato which petrofies him. Rape Dude kidnapps Kato and flies away in his jet, leaving Fart Dude crying in the garage. Back in Ottawa, the trio of Superheroes are in the alley beside their nest, when they encounter their fan club who are ectatic to find their heroes are approachable. Hot Dude talks with Master Dwezel who is selling merchandise, in particular, Hot Dude shirts (for women) in sizes small, extra small and extra extra small to make up for his pathetic income. Hot Dude initally disaprooves of this, but is rejoiced to find that partly because of the shirts, the girls are all over them. Tanya, her boyfriend and his gang of friends find the alley but leave because of their showboating attitudes. Hot Dude see's Tanya. Afterwards, Fart Dude arrives in New York to find Burban Gurgachuk, who was busy being with a paid prostitute in his appartment. He agrees to help him find Kato. He leaves the prostitute in his appartment and Smagulfagul enters to finish what he started. This scenario reveals Smagulfagul sexual drive for the first time, indicating that being around Rape Dude may have affected him. The next day in Ottawa, Vincent, Friederich and Simon are in science class 'enjoying a riveting lecture on atoms' (sarcasm). Because there is only minutes until lunch, the class loses attention and Vincent focuses on Tanya, who sits in front of him. He gathers Fred and Simon's attention to Tanya's bum which is showing beyond her pants. Erock breaks their euphoric moment and informs the teacher that Vincent, Fred and Simon are looking at butt. The teacher becomes angry and forces Vincent to apologize to her, which Vincent does, saying her bum looked good, and Tanya returning the compliment by expressing her thanks. The teacher decides to punish all four for condoming such behavior. When Erock asks why the teacher does make them change seats, the teacher goes into a deep explanation about the meaning of the order of seating in the classroom. The bell rings signifying the start of the lunch session. Before detention, Fred and Simon laugh at Vincent for having failed to impress the teacher. Vincent challenges their actions by proposing that Fred should ask Céleste out on a date. He does so, hoping his detention would make him look more ´bad ass´. He fails however when Céleste tells him that she has a crush on Cool Dude (which is ironic, considering that he is Cool Dude). Vincent and Simon laugh at Fred until that he challenges Simon to ask out Rachel, his longtime love interest. However, this is also met with failure when she tells him that she has a crush on Timberwolf (again, Ironic considering that he is Timberwolf). Vincent is left laughing with Fred, however, the twins point out that he is stupid, with a low IQ of 89. Surprised, they ask Vincent how he achieved a surprisingly high average of 60%. Vincent exclaims that french brought up his mark, only because he performed the ultimate embarassment song in class. Fred and Simon see the video of him performing the song on their phone which enrages Vincent because it came from Mohondas. In detention, the four are informed that they have to help the teacher clean up some radioactive waste (this also reveals Hot Dude's affiliation with Subway (Eat Flesh) when Tanya asks him where he get's fresh subs for lunch). Vincent tries continually to express his feelings for Tanya, but they are met with failure. Fred and Simon are trying to coach him from the sidelines, but Vincent finds their methods to be too distracting and proceeds to punch Simon. Vincent tries again, only to forget his gas mask and pass out after professing his emotions to her. The teacher proposes to perform cpr on Vincent but he wakes up to see Tanya meet up with her boyfriend, Josh and leaving. He walks outside in the rain contemplating his failure when Jack Frost freezes him. At the Canada U.S. border, Fart Dude and Burban try to get through in order to get to Hot Dude, whom they need to defeat Rape Dude. However, the border guards recognize Fart Dude as an internationally wanted terrorist (despite his pazzport) and try to arrest him. Fart Dude gasses the border guards and Burban, absolutely disgusted, drives the two away into the open countryside. Meanwhile in gym class, Vincent, Fred and Simon plan to drink that night on their nest to get over their woman problems. However during gym, the three of them take out their anger in the form of a competitive boys vs girls dodgeball game. The mischieveous Erock even get's harrassed by a supply gym teacher when other leave him out as bait. After a successful game, the teacher decides to have the entire class go against Vincent, Simon and Fred because of their gross overkill in scores. They get buried beneath a mountain of dodgeballs but Vincent falls victim to a spazz attack and proceeds to beat Josh with a hockey stick after he said that he deserved to be humiliated. The class successfully disarms him and locks the equipment room, but Vincent strikes back by getting his guitar from his locker and playing a guitar solo on the intercom to make them deaf. When he learns that he has no amp from Simon and Fred, he swares profanities over the intercom, resulting in his teacher giving him another detention. Near Sherbrooke, Québéc, Fart Dude and Burban are driving, apparently lost. They try to figure out how to get to Hot Dude´s town but realize that Kato was the only one who really knew. Fart Dude pulls out a simplistic navigation system in an attempt to find his way but destroys it in a rage after it tells him that 'where is hot dude' is not a valid destination. After school, Vincent waits for his ride home from Dwezel but is embarassed by the smoking appearance of the Lada. This is further emphasized by the car falling appart in front of Tanya (yet, unlike Josh, she shows comedic restraint and maturity). On the way, Dwezel informs him of a surprise for him. Vincent is daunted because the last time surprised him for his 14th birthday party, he hired a male stripper which left Vincent in a coma. Dwezel says that he liked that awkward situation alot. Vincent Briggs tells him that is the case because he is gay which prompts Dwezel to attack him in a moving car. During the fight, Dwezel attempts to teach Vincent about Kungness which fails after the car hits a stop sign. Dwezel is fined 1000$ and has to pay 500$ in repairs for his car. Serge concludes that the situation is Dwezel's fault. Vincent blindfolds himself for his surprise as to not see a male stripper but his surprise turns out to be Andy from Fall Out Boy. The ensemble of Dwezel, Andy, Serge and Smagulfagul form a band for Vincent to accomplish one of his lifelong dreams (which turns out to be one of Dwezel's lifelong dreams instead). They play a few songs, notably Welcome to the Black Parade by My Chemical Romance, Falling Leaves by Billy Tallent and When you Where Young by The Killers. Dwezel, the singer is notable for getting the lyrics wrong and Smagulfagul is known for being incapable to blow into a large jug. The session ends when Dwezel got overly excited with the mic pole, disgusting Serge and Vincent and when Vincent beats up Andy from Fall Out Boy for dismissing the song Mr. Brightside as a simple cover. In Quebec, Fart Dude and Burban arrive in Montreal by accident and are looking to ask for directions from an 'eskimo' or a 'lumberjack' but are surprised to find that Montrealers are a hip culture. They think that they may be back in the United States, but when they ask for directions, they find that everyone is speaking French, confusing and frustrating the two.